Christmas Blessings

Christmas is coming and I’m filled with good cheer

Thinking of all of the blessings I’ve had this year

Life hasn’t always been easy

Things haven’t been in my control

But when I truly reflect

I realize what my blessings are

My family and friends

My life and opportunities

Things have never been this way before

Christmas blessings like presents fade

But relationships have no end

Will life always be like this

No one can tell

But blessings will always be there

Fighting for you till the end

Never letting you go

And keeping you from

Losing all control

Yes, these blessings

Are incredible

Can’t thank my Lord enough

For the blessings he has bestowed upon me

I pray every night

And hope

That against all odds

Everyone will have a shot

At having Christmas blessings of their own

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Anxiety Perils

Anxiety has always been my plight

Fears for the future

Fears for the present

When will things change?

Work fills my heart

With dangerous anxiety

Will things get better?

Chest tight

Breathing hurts

The curse of anxiety

Maybe it’s all my fault

Maybe it’s not

I don’t know what to think

Anxiety is full of peril

Can lead you down dark paths

Still it clings to me

I wonder when it will stop

I just need a sign

That things will improve

And let this anxiety

Drift away

Let this anxiety be part of the past

And not define my present

Anxiety can be dangerous

And so is mine

So let us hope

That anxiety will not steal me away

The Discovery

In early 2010 my mom was doing some research online and found out about a learning disability called nonverbal learning disability. Many of the traits that individuals with this disability had were similar to those that I possessed. For example, those with NLD are often very black and white and literal in thinking which is definitely me and have poor spatial sense which is me to a tee. They can be prone to anxiety and depression due to difficulties with the subtle nuances of social communication such as nonverbal communication, body language, and social cues.

Her doctor recommended that I consult a neuropsychologist so off we went to seek answers. My entire medical history was laid out before this doctor and an appointment was made for a neuropsychological evaluation. At about the time of my evaluation I had just turned twenty which was a sad but also exciting milestone. Anyway, the evaluation was an all-day session from 10-4, and my evaluator was surprised at my verbal abilities (another classic sign of NLD—our verbal intelligence is often much stronger than our spatial intelligence.) It would be another week or so before we went back to the neuropsychologist’s office where I was formally diagnosed with NLD. It felt great to have a name for at least part of the disabilities that I had.

Now that I knew I had NLD, I started joining groups dedicated to helping individuals with NLD on Facebook as well as some email lists. I wanted to learn as much as I could about NLD and the more I found out the more I realized just how much in common I had with other individuals with this learning disability. It was the first time I was able to talk to other people who had struggled with same of the issues I’d had throughout my life. I had always felt different from others my age and now I was beginning to think that my social issues stemmed from my NLD.

My NLD has impacted my life in a variety of ways. It has affected my social skills and my ability to get around independently due to my very poor spatial abilities. I have been fortunate to have a great support system in my family and they have helped me to improve both socially and spatially. I used to get lost on the campus of the community college I attended all the time but when I transferred to a nearby university I was able to figure out the campus in a week due to the cognitive therapy I had that summer.

Can I say that life has always been easy with NLD? No, I can’t honestly say that. I can admit though that it does not define who I am as a person. I have transcended my disability and become an advocate for others with NLD through my Facebook page and have managed to maintain a part-time job at a major local department store for almost eight years. That truly is something to celebrate and I couldn’t have gotten this far without the support and guidance of my family.

College

College is a time of transition

A time to change

College can be stressful

Don’t let it overwhelm you

What makes you stronger

Are the challenges to overcome

The struggles you encounter

Will only make you a better person in the end

College

It can be a scary thing

On your own for the first time

Remember who your friends are

And your family, too

They will stay by your side

Through thick and through thin

They will always be there for you

You will shine in college

Brighter than the rest

You will thrive in college

Your life will never be the same again

Yes, college is a new journey

But the end result

Is working to fulfill your greatest dreams

And there is truly nothing better than that

Getting Older

Getting older isn’t easy

Like chasing dreams that seem impossible

Life is moving too fast

I’m just trying to catch up

I wish I could turn back time and rewind

To the days when everything was easy

Things sometimes seem so hard

I wish for good things to come

Getting older is so hard

With each passing day I wonder

If I’m doing enough to make my life

As great as it could be

So grateful though to have my family

Constantly at my side

With them as my support

Getting older will be easier

Because I know I have people

There for me and ready

To be the comfort I need

In my most trying times

Okay

I’ve been thinking about you

Hoping everything will be okay

That it’ll all work out in the end

Because you mean so much to me

And have always been my friend

Through thick and thin you’ve been there

Forever at my side

My life’s better with you in it

With you I have nothing to hide

Thank you for the memories

I hope that more will come

And everything will be okay

Because you’re my number one

Lost for Words

Sometimes I just don’t know what to say
I’m just lost for words
Speechless and grasping in conversation
I wonder what’s wrong
But I can’t express it
I find myself lost for words
Struggling to know what needs to be said
Will you help me find my way?
I’m still lost for words
Drowning in the endless sea
Wishing and hoping
Someone will come and save the day
Maybe one day the words will come
I’ll finally be able to converse
And say the things that are necessary
Pertinent
And worthy of your time

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